Healing Hurts

No, I haven't had surgery yet. What may be harder than recovering from brain surgery is the healing of the heart. A wicked, wounded place - needing more healing than my condition. Spent some major time in prayer and Worship this morning. The power of Jesus to heal when we stop and let Him, in so intense. It's hard. It's needed but oh so hard.

Some people can Christianity is a crutch. I have to disagree. This would be so much easier to deal with if I could just get mad at God or didn't know him and turn miserable. Misery is easier than growth and hope. Instead, God has a different plan. He uses this to draw me close to Him so He can heal what really matters - my heart. My body will not last forever, my heart and soul will live on in heaven with Him forever. So, the healing needs to happen.

Submission, surrender and trust are things that do NOT come natural to me. I am a stubborn, strong willed brute of a woman. I like control. I trust my own stupid ways since I KNOW them. When I have to depend on someone, it makes me nervous. One of the first things God worked on when I got saved was this and the journey continues. He first showed me through my husband how to submit and to trust. God designed men to be the head of the house for a reason. He has wired us differently. I have accepted that (most days). I love it now. I trust Dave with my life. He has shown me God's version of submission. I submit to Dave and He always acts in MY best interests, not his. God knew I needed to see with my eyes and used Dave to teach me to trust. NOT an easy lesson for me, one I am still learning.

Again I find myself wanting to control as I get ready to fly to meet with the Neurosurgeons. All the research in the world is irrelevant if I don't involve God. He is in the drivers seat and He reminded me of that this morning. It's ALL about Him - not me! So this morning, I surrender my life yet again to my Jesus. I am in His hands and there is no better place to be when scared or making decisions.