CHRISTmas miracles

Christmas has always been my favorite time of year. I am a sap at this time of year, this year even more so. I was afraid for this Christmas honestly. Afraid I would be sad. The opposite happened.I had a personal issue to deal with - this being my first major holiday without my oldest son living at home and as if that wasn't enough - I was dealing with this stupid head thing. Between traveling to specialists - money will be tight so the budget was lower than we had hoped for but it didn't matter to me. I saw things differently this year. Beginning the night before Christmas Eve was when it really started to hit me.

Insomnia is and has been one of my symptoms for a while now and adding steroids in the mix for my back makes it worse. So there I sat, alone in the quiet - just me and my God. Wow the emotion that began to pour out of me. Not self pity, sadness or regret or even fear but AWE! Pure awe that with all that is going on with my body, He is busy making peace in my heart. He showed me things that night and I am so grateful!

I am a woman blessed with more than she deserves and more than I ever thought possible. If you knew me before I knew Him - this is clear I would hope. He has and is altering who I am and it brings me to tears at the work He has done. It has been a hard journey for me but one that is so worth the ride! The world and my own life choices had hardened my heart but I see the layers being pulled back. I see the walls being torn down.

All day Christmas Eve, I watched my family with different eyes. They all seemed different when in reality it is me who was different. As I type, tears well up at these gifts I have called my family.

So I will introduce you to them and publicly thank God for the gift that they are to me.

My husband Dave is my best friend. He is more than I could have ever imagined in a husband. In him, I see a glimpse of Christ on earth. He leads our house with Love and is the first person who really saw ME, ever. He saw my broken heart and sought to make it new. With Jesus' help - it is a task that bears fruit. Thank you God for this amazing man!

My eldest son Daniel is my silent warrior. At 18, he is spreading his wings and finding his way. The strong silent type, who in reality has a soft heart any woman will be lucky to have. God has a call on that man's life that is so strong - I just pray I live to see it come to fruition. Like all oldest children, he bears the weight of many. If I could have one thing from Daniel, it would be that when he saw me looking at him, he actually saw how I see him. Daniel is the kind of son who sees feelings. Brave and loyal. Thank you God for all Daniel has taught me, watch over him and wrap him in your arms now that he is too old for me to do it.

My next eldest son is Eric, my goofy, sweet 17 year old. Also with a heart of gold, Eric has become my friend. Eric will bend over backwards for people and has the most positive outlook I have ever seen in an adult, yet alone a teenager. His innocence is refreshing and his smile is contagious. Eric marches to the beat of his own drum and I like it's rhythm! Thank you God for the gift that is Eric, guide him in the direction YOU want him to go in.

Justin is next in line in this crazy family. At 13, Justin is still different, always has been. An old soul, a goofy, musical kid who has the most even temperament I have ever seen. Things roll off Justin's back and he takes life as it is and makes the best out of whatever situation he is in. Even the typical crud that newly emerging teens go through don't knock this kid down. Thank you God for showing me not to take life so serous through Justin and please continue developing him to be the man you have intended him to be.

Joshua, my little wild man. The spitting physical image of his Dad yet I see so much of me in him. At 11, tweenage-hood has hit but it is taking an interesting turn in this young man. A soft side is developing underneath the wild, rugged football player. An interesting mix of fearless boy with brave man used to scare me but now I see this sensitive side. Another child who can see feelings is in our house. Thank you God for showing Joshua being a man doesn't mean just being tough, leading with the heart is how Jesus did it and I see Joshua learning that.

Carolyn - my first born daughter. My long awaited bundle of pink joy is now 9 and the baby years are gone. I am not saddened or frightened by this as I once thought I would be. Not being a girlie-girl - I wondered how I would handle this girl who owns more shoes than I do and came out wearing heels when I can't even walk in them. In her, I see the makings of a devoted woman of God. Her concern for others, often to the extent of self-sacrifice is so pure to watch. Far down the list of birth order, she bears many of the same weights as Daniel. Her concern for her younger sister runs deep, even though they are like night and day. Thank you God for that sweet smile, the feminine side I get to nurture even though I don't understand it and for the fact that I prayed for a daughter to take to the mall and you blessed me with just that!

Catherine - our Punky-Monkey. The baby, at 7, isn't a baby anymore either. In her, I see so much of me. Strong willed and her own person, a leader not a follower. A giver at heart, a fearless child who also has her own rhythm - it's loud and wild but it's so sweet at the same time. Her heart is so small but so soft at times, I can only imagine the plans you have for her! Thank you God for this little girl - she rounds out my family and grounds her sister.

And that's just the people in my family. One day I must describe my awesome fur-babies - my Great Danes!

See? I am blessed. Yeah I have to face this stupid head thing and travel down roads I don't want to but if that journey helps me see things like I saw yesterday, sitting in church, surrounded by people who were there when I got Saved, looking at my family and seeing that the stupid stuff is just that - stupid. It's NOT all about me, not even close. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak so I pour out my soul, knowing I will need to re-read this and remember.