That may be the key right there for me. All along I have know God had plans for me during this process and it wasn't just to make my spinal fluid flow like He originally planned, it was to deal with what really matters - my heart. So, now I ponder the point in the pain.
I am beginning to think this is layers being peeled away. My defenses are down, I am not so busy I can distract myself from feeling anymore. All I do is cry. OK - maybe a slight exaggeration but I cry a LOT lately and don't know why. Maybe a hardened shell isn't productive in the Kingdom. I know it isn't. It is something God has been working on since I finally gave up running from Him a few years ago.
Over the years, I learned to add layers. Life sucks, people hurt you and you either deal or you add protective layers. Layers that don't let people in, if they can't get in, they can't hurt you. These layers are leaving me, in the form of tears. I am guessing I had more layers than I admitted given the amount of tears coming out of me lately.
Reminds me of a song -Healing Rain. We used to sing this song at my old church. It made me cry and I never knew why really. It hits me hard now. I wish I had a video to share of the guy who sang it at our church, his voice is unmatched, even by the original artists on most songs. It speaks of healing rain coming with fire and not being afraid. I sang it, arms held high, wanting to be healed but I am not sure I really GOT it until this morning.
So now the task is to see the tears as healing rain, a gift from God. Healing my broken heart, preparing it for for His plans.
Wish I could post a video of the song but I am not that geeky :-(
Healing Rain by Michael W Smith
Healing rain is coming down
It's coming nearer to this old town
Rich and poor, weak and strong
It's bringing mercy, it won't be long
Healing rain is coming down
It's coming closer to the lost and found
Tears of joy, and tears of shame
Are washed forever in Jesus' name
Healing rain, it comes with fire
So let it fall and take us higher
Healing rain, I'm not afraid
To be washed in Heaven's rain
Lift your heads, let us return
To the mercy seat where time began
And in your eyes, I see the pain
Come soak this dry heart with healing rain
And only You, the Son of man
Can take a leper and let him stand
So lift your hands, they can be held
By someone greater, the great I Am
Healing rain, it comes with fire
So let it fall and take us higher
Healing rain, I'm not afraid
To be washed in Heaven's rain
To be washed in Heaven's rain...
Healing rain is falling down
Healing rain is falling down
I'm not afraid
I'm not afraid...
Remember this my new friend, it's not about what you can/cannot do, what kind of help you need, or even how challenging your journey is. It is about the relationships you build. After all, living a rich life is about being surrounded by those that we love and that love us back.
ReplyDeleteRenee'
This is ringing so true for me this morning and really all this week. This has been hard on my family to say the least but I find myself looking at them different. I always boasted of my strength and independence and the major thing this journey has taught me so far is that is being vulnerable isn't the end of the world. Depending on my Lord and my family to get me through has been an eye opener. It's O.K. to need someone. It is almost a comfort to know I finally can need again. The pain of the past is leaving, as if my body cannot hold all the emotional past pain and current physical. One has to leave and the physical pain isn't in the plan for me right now - so the emotional is. Thank you yet again for your encouragement!
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