Found another four letter word - FEAR

Well the cold has finally let up for the most part. I still have a slight cough and some stuffiness but nothing like it was thank God! Back is still an issue, seems to be getting worse everyday :-( It is so bad, yesterday was my birthday and Dave offered me a nice dinner to which I had to say no, I just couldn't do it. I did enjoy my day though. I watched a movie with a good friend - Blindside - GREAT movie! We had banana splits with the kids followed by a few games UNO. Dave got me a massage and pedicure for next Thursday plus new PJ's! YAY!

I decided yesterday to try a hunch. A long shot but I remembered one physical therapist saying he hated Soma, he said it caused rebound muscle spasms. Since that is what it feels like is going on in my back (well, more like a charlie horse than a plain spasm), I decided to try stopping the soma. Surprised to say, my neck doesn't feel a ton worse. I can feel a tad bit of stiffness but nothing major. No changes on the back but we shall see. If he is right, it will take a few days to notice the difference. If it isn't helping me, I don't need it anyways. One less med in my system is a good thing.

Now - on to the fear. I guess I have this thing with four letter words. Fear is the latest. I find myself very scared of the results of my surgery at times. So many horror stories, sometimes it is hard to believe that ALL my Chiari symptoms are gone - yet they are. This morning I noticed an odd one returning and it has me scared. It's a silly one really. It wasn't even on my list of symptoms. For the past year and half, I have had this sound in my left ear - like there is water in it. I assumed it was from my ear surgery 13 years ago. I had a cholesteotoma and had a tympanomastoidectomy with two new hearing bones. Funny thing is - the day after surgery I noticed the sound was GONE. Seems it was spinal fluid I was hearing, not an odd symptom of Chiari - just one I didn't know was one of my symptoms. So - here I am this morning - I touch my ear and I hear that sound. Faint, but it is there.

My heart sank in my chest almost instantly. Damn Chiari I thought. I am going to be one of them I thought. It is never going to end I thought. I will never get my life back I thought. How fast I forget what I have learned. God has worked so hard teaching me to trust Him in this and I throw it all out the window from one stupid noise in my ear. It took my over an hour to realize it could be the fact that I have this major cold thing going on. It could be the spinal fluid just shifting. It could be NOTHING! yet I was so quick to assume the worst. So quick to give in to the fear. Fear has no place in my life! Silly human!