Trust is a 4 letter word

Spelling and math have never been my best subjects. If you read my blog, you know by now that even spell check can't help me and when my daughter who is in 4th grade asked me for homework help and I saw it was fractions, I had to call my 7th grader to help her. That being said, I do realize there are 5 letters in the word trust BUT where I come from - when things are rough, four letter words are used. So - trust is a four letter word to me today.

I have no choice but to trust God's plan. Yet again I find myself, reminding myself, HE is steering this ship, not I. Things will happen in HIS time, not mine. Healing will come in HIS time, in the way HE desires. It is not an easy thing for me to grasp. Yet again, the spirit is willing but the flesh is so very weak.

Another BAD back day for the books. I am positive something new is going on. This pain is worse than any pain I have had in the back for the 4 years and it is just different. When I walk, the back freezes up with pain and when I first stand, my legs go numb. My legs are getting weak, to the point I am not sure walking is an option at times. Shopping, even with an amigo and an amazing teenager to help me, wore me out! But - I did it! One less thing I have to ask Dave to do - YAY! Made my way through dinner, leftovers so no biggie. Even went to secretary of state to deal with some items. BUT - the back - WOW!

Heard from the pain clinic finally. I called and she said she is waiting for the Doctor to email her back. I guess he is some big-wig Medical Director at the pain clinic and VERY busy but when one of the Docs from Neurosurgery asks, he squeezes people in. He has to review my file and see if he wants to see me first or just go ahead and schedule the injection. Hubby hopes for the injection, I would kinda like to meet him before he pokes my spine but will take what I can get - living like this isn't an option.

I adjusted my meds beginning yesterday. Prednisone taper begins, which means sciatic pain will return and it was time to increase the Neurontin dosage :-( Originally I was going to stay at the lower dose as the neck is doing wonderful but have decided to try the higher dose to see if it helps my back. Sucks because of side effects :-( Trade offs are never fun.